The Dreaded School Drop Off

For those of you who have school-aged children you may know what I’m talking about… the dreaded school drop off. Now I’m sure most kids out there take the bus but because of our close proximity to the school we have to drop them off. I swear if you go your whole life and never have to experience the complete chaos that is taking a child to school you will die one of the lucky ones.

Now could my kids walk to school? Absolutely… but their mother would throw a fit not agree with my decision to do so. Plus I don’t like the idea of sending them trudging off through the snow in the dead of winter every morning. I’ve seen those kids as we drive by and my children say to me: “their parents must not care about them for making them walk like that.” Heh, little do they know.

Don’t get me wrong, I like seeing them off in the morning and my job allows me to come in a half hour late to do so. I’ve got the elementary drop off down to a science… after 5 years I know all the tricks and times to be there in order to avoid all of the chaos. BUT this year my oldest started middle school and let me tell you… I would welcome a root canal in comparison to the act of simply driving across the street and dropping my kid at the middle school doors.

You see… we have a fully functional stoplight complete with turn lane signals and crosswalk lights and in any other normal situation in the world this would be adequate. Now if people understood traffic laws we wouldn’t need not one, not two, but FOUR flipping crossing guards! and the crossing guards actually ADD to the chaos I kid you not, they think somehow they are allowed to cross on a green light just because they have a little plastic stop sign. No honey that’s why they invented “walk/dont walk” lights. Crossing over to gossip with Betty and Marge is not worth stepping out in front of oncoming traffic.

The “drop off area” is a giant oval parking lot with one driveway for in and out traffic, picture a bottle more or less. (ahh see where I’m going with this?) You enter the lot, drop off is on the right side of the oval, continue around to the left side and out the exit. This SOUNDS easy enough doesn’t it? To put it into perspective, the oval is quite large and you can easily fit 20 cars in front of the school at any given time… but for some reason… the parents seem to believe that the moment they enter the lot they should stop everything and start unloading children. Causing a complete bottle neck and lets face it, an all out cluster fuck in the parking lot. This completely baffles the mind because theres easily 300 feet of empty space in front of them which is actually CLOSER TO THE DOORS!

When you do get around the early stoppers and navigate towards an open piece of real estate you must always be mindful of your surroundings because the other parents just dart out of there spot whether you are there or not. FINALLY we’re at the curb… let the kid out… “bye”… “bye”… 10 seconds later right back into the battle. THIS TIME you have to be on the look out for the “middle cutters” who don’t want to travel the extra hundred feet and dart through the center just to be 2 whole cars ahead on the way out. Now back at the light you have 2 lanes: the right turners, and the left turners… but I need to go straight. Now the kind hearted friendly person I am takes the left lane because the right turners can go on red. But there’s something wrong with left turners and they’re always like “uhhhhhhh c-c-c-can I uhhhh go?” and a whole whopping 2 cars get through. So now I embrace the “screw you” side of me and hog the right turners lane and hold things up until I get the green light to cross. What’s a guy to do eh?

So that, my friends, is a snapshot of how I start my morning, almost every morning. After that… I get to go to work and relax…. 😉

How about you? Do you do the drop off? Every schools got their horror stories